Finding Yourself in a World of Chaos

How resistance to change is an inner existential problem.

Many of us want change but have a really difficult time putting it into action. How many times have you committed to a new goal or habit, only to find yourself unable to execute it consistently? Sometimes it feels as though we’ve come up against a block or hurdle that is impenetrable.

This repetitive cycle leaves us feeling overwhelmed, confused and disappointed.

Luckily there is hope.

Understanding Change

An important step towards change begins with an understanding of what change is and how it operates at a fundamental level.

Fundamentally, the only constant in life is change. We live in a dynamic Universe that is continuously transforming and evolving. Therefore, what we perceive as change relates to a modification of something in our reality that we often perceive as being stable and/or predictable.

Our minds have an extraordinary ability to notice patterns in our reality that enable us to function in society. From the moment we are born, our mind begins to create structure and order in a world of chaos. We learn how to compartmentalize our senses, naming, labelling and assigning meaning to every part of our reality.

Our resistance to change relates to our subjective experiences and perceptions we have formulated around a shift or pressure on the stable constructs in our own mind. What one individual considers a drastic change, another may not, as we each perceive our reality and meaning of change differently. In other words, all change is neutral until perspective is applied (you may have heard this phrase before).

When we think about change, many of us get tense and uneasy because it’s referring to a shift or modification of that which we consider normal, expected, and comfortable.

This change pulls us into a feeling of discomfort leading to a series of negative or rapid thoughts. These thoughts ultimately drive our behaviour and actions in a way that convinces us to remain in our space of comfort.

Change becomes frightening when it threatens our sense of selfhood. When the intellectual mind becomes the ground which one analyzes and interprets the impact of change, the ego will surely emphasize the risk and severity one will experience as a result of failure. Inaction as a result, creates further stagnation, self-doubt and low self esteem, ultimately confirming the very cycle that brings suffering and pain.

In summary, the resistance to change is an internal battle rather than a mere modification or shift in our external reality. The fear emerges deep within our subconscious mind and requires self enquiry into the very nature of this fear.

Sense of Selfhood

In a society based on separation, we are taught how to develop a persona or personal identity so that we may contribute and be of functional use in a society that supports consumerism and materialism.

In childhood we begin to develop a sense of selfhood, that is, an identity that makes us distinct and separate from other individuals. Our primary caregivers (often our parents) have a direct influence in the development of this identity.

We learn from a very young age what is acceptable and what is not. We even go to the extent of attaching ourselves personally to those behaviours that are considered good or bad. We are rewarded for good behaviours meanwhile negative behaviours and emotions that stem from deeper unmet needs are often condemned. This feeds the compartmentalization of our mind into separate parts; accepting the expression of good behaviours and suppressing the expressions labelled bad.

From this very moment, we begin to suppress certain emotions and behaviours that are an inherent part of the human experience.

As we grow older, our identity is formed through our interactions with those closest to us, and our social environment. We begin to form an identity of who we are by making relative comparisons to others. Our external environment becomes a mirror in which we see ourselves. A common example of this is when we make judgements about other people’s situations, actions or status, and how it relates to and determines our level of worthiness, or success.

As we enter into adulthood, we have created a very firm sense of identity that is rooted in our external environment. Our relations to others give us a predicted and often stable confirmation of who we think we are, up until someone in our circle starts to make changes. The individuals who experience a transformation and start shifting their lifestyle choices, is often met with judgement and criticism. This judgement is not at the fault of the individual who is making changes, but those who fear how this change might shine a light on their own lack of change or resistance within themselves.

From a young age we learn to look externally for approval and acceptance of others to help us confirm what we believe about ourselves.

Any perceived shift or modification to our external environment, whether that be someone we know, a situation or circumstance, puts pressure on our sense of selfhood (identity).

This is the very reason that change feels intense.

Let’s use an example.

Susan has been experiencing a lot of conflict in her relationship for quite some time. The thought of ending this relationship has come up many times for her, but she gives excuses and convinces herself that it will get better. Months have passed, but now Susan is at the point where she knows what the right decision is and must act quickly before it gets worse.

Although she’s in an unhealthy relationship, Susan is fearful of ending the relationship because she feels more comfortable in knowing what to expect and how to show up in something she’s grown accustomed to. In a chaotic world, Susan finds comfort in knowing that she can rely on the relationship to give her a sense of stability and certainty, as the relationships flows in repeating patterns that are predictable.

Assuming that Susan’s safety is not at risk for ending the relationship, the resistance and fear is tied to the letting go of something she has attached herself to.

Without the certainty and comfort in her relationship, Susan subconsciously fears that she will lose a part of her identity and will drown in the uncertainty of who she might be or become without it.

The Silver Lining

The moment that we begin to feel as though we have lost our sense of self is when we’re presented with the greatest opportunity. Within the chaos and uncertainty, there is an opportunity to connect to the very nature of our true essence. But this opportunity must be met with a willingness to descend into the shadows and meet the parts of us that we’ve condemned and hid from for so long.

At some point, we need to disconnect from the influence of others in order to find our own perspective.

The opportunity here is to move beyond the layers we have constructed since we were born, into the very true nature of who we are.

The very fear of who we will become when we’ve lost all that we thought we were, starts to bubble to the surface. All those emotions, sensations and behaviours that we were conditioned to believe were wrong or bad start to pulse through our veins in an attempt to finally be expressed.

These parts of us that have been hiding in the shadows never left us, they were merely cast out and pushed beneath the surface, until the time comes when the pressure of suppression can no longer hold.

When this opportunity is met with curiosity and acceptance, we create space for our fears to step out of the shadows and into the light. If we can surrender into what feels like an abyss, we allow every part of us to show itself.

We must grieve the loss of an older identity, in order to find the Truth.

It feels as though we begin again, with a new opportunity to rebuild our identity from a place of sovereignty and empowerment.

From this place of awareness, we can now ‘see’ more clearly how our struggle to find control in a world of chaos, is insanity. There is no controlling the only constant in life. There is no controlling change.

When we lean into the fear of losing ourselves, we come closer to the very nature of our True essence. When we let go of everything we thought we were, we become all that we are. Not a separate identity, but that which is One with everything.

On the surface, our fears appear as a multitude of perceived negative outcomes. These outcomes often include the fear of failure, judgement or the fear of losing something or someone valuable to us and the associated result this could have on ourselves and our life.

If we move beyond the surface into the deeper layers, what we find is something far more existential.

In the deepest layers of our being, fear comes from the very places that experience a lack of love. This lack of love stems from the layers and layers of protection we have created between us and others, but most importantly, a disconnection from ourselves. We create so much separation between who we really are, and who we think we are that we run through life searching for the very thing that has been here all along.

Finding our true essence is answered with the intention to Love the very parts of us that feel inadequate or unworthy. It all begins with us. The moment where we feel the most resistance is when our work begins. We have a choice to lean into the discomfort so that we may discover parts of us that have been hidden in the shadows, or to keep running through life thinking that the answers are found somewhere else.

Have patience for your process and trust that you do have all the answers within you. These answers are hidden deep within the subconscious mind, waiting to be brought into conscious awareness. What you hide from will not merely disappear, but continue knocking at the door. One day, the knocks will become so loud that you will have no choice but to open it.

Open that door. What awaits you is not a loss of self, but in finding that which has always been. You.